As you can tell from this picture, I've been waiting a long time to have my say... Now I will!

But please, feel free to disagree, and don't hesitate to email me and let me know what you think. As this is my personal forum, I will be changing it quite frequently, so check back often.
 
 

April 14, 2003

We thought that Spring was finally upon us here in Virginia... oh yes, we had the mosquitoes to prove it. Then there were the tree frogs peeping from dusk to dawn, and the darned swarms of gnats... So, of course, we all took our spring baths... what? Y'all don't do that?

Then, doggone if it didn't turn cold again.

But it looks like Spring is finally starting to come back around. And, yes, with the resumption of warm weather, love has struck our peaceful home. Our male Staffordshire Terrier, to be exact. Smacked him right upside the head. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to understand that there are some things love can't conquer... for example, certain logistics. You see, he's taken a fancy to our little female cocker spaniel, but the problem's are -- he's too tall, she's too short, and he's too... neutered. Oh well. I guess like any male, he's not willing to concede defeat. Hope springs eternal?

Another favorite activity of most of males... and some of us females... eating. Specifically, going out to dinner.

Three things I expect when I go out to dinner: I expect the food to be good; I expect the restaurant to be clean (yes, that includes the bathrooms); and I expect to be fed. By that I mean, I expect the meal to be of adequate proportion to fill me up. I don't appreciate parting with my hard earned dollars only to walk out with my stomach still rumbling. No sir. When I leave I want it to be with the knowledge that I'm going to be content for more than a couple of hours.

Now, I don't think I'm being unreasonable with that last request, because, although I tend to tip the scales at a little more weight than the American Medical Association considers healthy for a woman of my height (and since when did they start calling it morbidly obese??), I don't eat inordinate amounts of food at one sitting. Don't get me wrong, under the right circumstances I CAN eat the equivalent of three hungry lumberjacks -- family gatherings, for example, when we cook something REALLY scrumptious, when I'm bored or depressed (although then I prefer to drown myself in chocolate) -- but generally I just eat a normal amount for a healthy, normal adult. A nice portion of meat, a baked potato and a large salad, and I'm set.

Just don't give me a piece of steak the size of a half-dollar, that looks like it was carved off of something much bigger. Oh yes, that's happened before. Nothing can irritate you faster than seeing the waitress carrying the jigsaw pieces of YOUR steak off to six different tables.

Then there are those all-you-can-eat restaurants that advertise steak night or shrimp night, or steak and lobster night. Now, I can appreciate the need to dole out the featured main course. Afterall, it's sad to say there are some folks out there who will snag every last piece, if it's left up to them, without any regard for anyone else.

However, what I don't appreciate is the server who sizes me up and decides that they're going to "help me maintain my diet."

Excuse me? Did I ask you to worry about how much I eat?

No, it's not my imagination that this happens. Here's a perfect example; happened just the other night. I'm standing next to fella a lot smaller than me, (looked like he wouldn't weigh a hundred pounds soaking wet) and the server (this big smiling fella with a belly five times bigger than my own) looks us both over, then proceeds to cut one of the nice juicy sirloins hot off his grill. Okay, he's gonna serve the little guy first. (Yes, chivalry is dead in certain places.) He cuts the steak in half, then cuts both of those pieces in half again. He serves the scrawny, little runt of a guy (sorry, just thinking about it gets my goat) one of the larger pieces of the four. Okay, that's not so bad. But then, after glancing at me again, and offering a grin (meant to convey empathy for my weight challenged status, I'm sure) he cuts one of those four pieces into half, and then one of THOSE piecies into half again -- and then gives me the piece that has the most inedible fat!!!

Hello? Think you could give me a little meat on that there piece of fat, buddy?

Like I say, I can only assume the intent is to help me out. Maybe they figure by giving me small pieces they're promoting heart healthy exercise by forcing me to get up and down numerous times until I've eaten my fill. More likely they're hoping that due to my larger size I'll tire out and just give up long before that can happen.

Hah! I am not a quitter and doggone it, if I'm paying for the meal, I'm going to get my money's worth... even if it means eight, ten, twelve trips up to the bar.

Oh well, I guess like everything else in this country, it's all geared toward size and youth, and since I tend to exceed the acceptable standards in both categories, I'll just have to keep on bucking the system... cause I'm just too danged ornery to cry "Uncle!"